Whiting Award Winners

I

What a lucky beast I am,

when he cleans up nice

and nicks his perfect face.

I get to lick that face,

when he lets me.

In the cut’s opening

I get a taste of him

from the inside

out, which is all I have

ever wanted,

to be cell-close

to him. Praise the razor’s

overzealous arm;

the ease

with which it finds tenderness

in this man.

I saw inside the body of a man. The intern drew me

through the otherwise locked door; still in my hands

were eight glass vials the pharmacist had sent for,

to keep the glittering permanganate. That was my favorite task,

the weighing and dilution of the violet douche,

administered before the hysterectomies. In autopsy, he’d opened

like a box his arms had fallen from, neither looking at me

or away. As if he’d come through wind,

his hair was mussed. There was a funnel and a drain

inside the floor. And today I saw a sidewalk in the woods,

the handsome wooden cages and the smallest gravel pearls

smoothed around the bottoms of the trees, and then

a shock of feathers lifted on the damaged eagle’s head.

And the kestrel was afraid. Its open wing, so rarely looked down on

is gray, rust, black, and gray again, and black, and I have,

once today, felt my body drawn across its gaze. That one

with the vivid dragging wing, and then from underneath

I felt the other hovering.

It’s hard not to think of Sheryl’s mother as cruel in all this: hard not to think of her as the boys did, as the jealous queen, the wicked witch. She was the one, after all, who had swept her daughter out of the state the very day her pregnancy was confirmed, who chose to torment her boyfriend with these coy games. It was she who made sure her daughter had no chance to explain, to tell him goodbye. No doubt Sheryl tried to get past her, tried to call him from the supermarket on the last day she worked, from her own house as she quickly gathered her things together, from the airport, even, when she’d told her mother she wanted to go to the bathroom before boarding the plane and instead headed for the phones.

I have a garden in my brain

shaped like a maze

I lose myself

in, it seems. They only look for me

sometimes. I don’t like my dreams.

The nurses quarrel over where I am

hiding. I hear from inside

a bush. One is crisp

and cuts; one pinches. I’d like to push

them each somewhere.

They both think it’s funny

here. The laughter sounds like diesels.

I won’t come out because I’m lazy.

You start to like the needles.

You start to want to crazy.

Her plan had been to clean in the middle of the night, so her mother would wake to an empty kitchen sink, but as she stood in the foyer, the bathroom fan beating loudly and uselessly, the mess before her made her want to cry; being in a family of eleven made her want to cry, the way someone had soaked up the dog’s pee but not thrown away the paper towel, the way responsibility divided by eleven meant no one was really responsible.

I’ll make you a saint

from an unblemished code book

that must be read

in a German restaurant

where beer is served in glasses

wrapped in brown leather

when the cuckoo strikes twelve

this will be the moment

of ascension